Housewifey with a houseknifey...

I am starting a 5 day break today at 5pm, and anytime I have a lot of time off I am reminded of my attempt at housewifery, and why I will always have a job.

When I got out of the military, I had 4 weeks off - paid by using some of the leave I had saved up during my 4 years - before I started my new job. I didn't have a whole lot of money, seeing as I was relocating from Del Rio, TX to Washington, DC and adjusting to the cost of living, renting a house, buying work clothes, etc. So travel was not an option, otherwise I would have been long gone, at the very least, visiting family. Nonetheless, I was looking forward to 4 weeks off to do as I pleased, relax and all in all be peaceful. Well, that didn't work out as planned. This is the 4 weeks off at home, as I remember the experience.


Week 1: Wake up at 0730. Get paper. Drink a glass of water. Walk dogs on a nice, long walk through the neighborhood, stopping to chit chat with friendly neighbors. Come home, read paper, drink coffee. Shower. Eat light lunch. Go to store/organize house/clean/do yardwork. Begin baking something - either muffins, cookies, cake or bread. Finish baking. Start dinner for husband. Husband comes home, eat dinner together. Hang out with husband, go to bed.

Week 2: Wake up at 0900. Slurp coffee. Walk dogs on abbreviated walk, waving at friendly neighbors. Eat sandwich, peruse paper. Shower. Either go to store, organize house, clean or yardwork. Watch TV for awhile. Start dinner. Husband comes home, eat dinner together, drink some wine. Hang out with husband, drinking more wine. Go to bed.

Week 3: Wake up at 1000. Drink coffee. Let dogs out in backyard. Read paper while eating chips and salsa for breakfast/lunch and dripping on paper. Shower. Watch TV. Do laundry or something to not look like a complete good-for-nothing. Make something quick for dinner while drinking. Leave plate out for husband for when he comes home. Drink wine while he eats. Watch more TV. Go to bed.

Week 4: Wake up whenever. Let dogs out in yard. Watch TV and drink coffee. Screw the paper, no need for the new neighbors to see me in this state. Eat tortilla because it's there and requires no effort. Watch more TV. Shower. Tell husband he can make himself a sandwich, I'm too tired and who does he think I am anyway - a maid/personal chef? Drink wine. Stumble to bed/sleep on couch.

Cheers to those who can be productive and happy without the structure of work. I will never be able to be one of you. And if I ever decide to be a housewife, my husband said he'd leave me.